Feeling Lonely
Don’t worry you’re not alone! Almost everyone feels lonely at some point in their life. Perhaps even on a daily basis. You see feeling lonely is a state of mind – it has nothing to do with how many friends or family you may have so that’s one less thing to worry about when you’re feeling lonely.
The trick to get out of feeling lonely is mind over matter. I’m sure you’ve heard this before about illnesses and healthier related issues however it is very true for things like feeling lonely. As it is a state of mind it can be easily changed with a little thought.
Here are some steps to stop feeling lonely. I’ve used these in the past and they’ve helped me come though some bad times.
1. Remember nothing lasts for ever. Live in the now – don’t dwell in the past and remember if the now is bad there is always the future which will soon be with us all.
2. Don’t look down on yourself. This is a sure fire way to feeling lonely – infact if you think about it – if you are feeling lonely it almost like you are looking down on yourself. So stop and learn to love yourself – no matter what condition you may think you are in – there is someone a lot worse off than you!
3. Some people crave attention of others and have to be around partners/friends/family all the time. This can be a bad thing so learn to be alone and enjoy your own company. A hobby or a book are good places to start – immerse yourself in your imagination and start loving yourself.
4. Give your life a purpose. Ask yourself what the hell are you doing and where are you planning to go. Make a life plan. Almost everyone wants to be rich and famous – however will that bring happiness and combat the feeling of loneliness? Exactly – so thing hard, work hard and play hard.
5. Don’t put on an act or lie to others – be genuine and true to yourself and everyone else. You might find that you feel lonely because you put on an act or tell small white lies to people. Stop doing that – it has no benefit. Lead your life truthful.
6. If your house bound or getting up there in years think about getting a pet cat or dog. Even try online chat via the internet. I’m surprised there are so many old people that are scared of the internet. It’s the place to be if your housebound.
7. Join a club – could be any club but you are bound to fill out the time meeting others in a club and will be spending less time to think about felling lonely. I am a proud member of my local pub (hey it’s what I like doing) however the club or group could be anything that you may find interesting.
8. Keep fit – 9 times out of 10 emotional and mental health issues like feeling lonely can be kept at bay if you have a healthy life style including keeping physically active and fit and staying away from the pub!
Keep fit! Doesn't matter how old you are!
9. Tune it – turn on – chill out – One thing I have to do this year is start listening to more music – it can really help you if you feel lonely – I would advise not listening to depressing music though so good classical or pop is an excellent place to start but does come a lot down to personal preference.
10. Find a religion or make up your own belief system. If you believe in a god you’ve got a few advantages to others who don’t this includes the belief in something greater than yourself. It will also come in handy for when you do past away – better to have believed in a god and find out there is not one than to have believed in nothing and find out that there is something. This logic plays both ways but personally I believe in something – I just don’t know exactly what!
Lonely and Single
I was going to write about feeling lonely and in a relationship. However I have to get my priorities right on this website because for so many years I went through life feeling lonely and single. The question you have to ask yourself in this state of mind (because that’s all it is) are you feeling lonely because you are single or are you feeling lonely and just happen to be single.
Well once you’ve answered that question life will get a lot easier. You see many people blame feeling lonely and single are intertwined. This is not true you can easily feel lonely in a marriage.
Let’s tackle the causes straight on:
1) I am lonely because I am single.
Frankly this is you fooling yourself. I did it for many years. You pretty much have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with life. Feeling lonely is a state of mind. Being single is a situation. Both these things can be changed. And who better to do the change than yourself.
So you feel lonely and just happen to be single. Which is harder to not feel lonely or to become un-single and meet the partner of your dreams? The first step is to tackle your loneliness. Read my article here on feeling lonely. Don’t do this the other way around or you might end up in the situation of feeling lonely and in a relationship.
It could back fire on you. If you go into a relationship and believe that your feelings of loneliness are going to disappear just because you’ve got someone there by your side you might be mistaken. Loneliness is a state of mind. You have to train the mind out of this thought process. It’s almost like a bad habit that has to be dealt with. Check out my cure to loneliness.*
2) I am lonely and am single.
If you managed to see through my question above, I am lonely and single (no your lonely and you just happen to be single) then good job – you are obviously a higher thinker. Again I will state that there is no point entering a relationship to combat the feelings of loneliness. Be true to yourself and others. You are born alone and die alone it’s a fact of life that you have to come to terms with. That’s one of the disadvantages to the human condition and part of growing up.
Summary: How to deal with loneliness is purely about mind over matter and communication. Many people lead busy life styles in this day and age, it’s about taking time out and communicating with others that counts. Having a health balanced exercise plan and diet can help to some extent.
Lonely and married
Possibly the worst situation to be in! Not! Are you married and feeling lonely in your marriage? Well guess what you’re not alone! This is a very common feeling in a marriage. Why do you think one of the lines in the church goes something like this “in sickness and in health”.
The answer is that you have to deal with it. This is a crucial fact – if you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone you have to bloody well feel good about it as you live your life.
Personally I’ve been married for 10 years and at times I have felt lonely or unloved in the marriage – however I really only have myself to blame. You see these feelings of loneliness are due to lack of communication with my partner. Now I know that can be a hard task but read on….
Now I am guessing quite a few visitors to this page have been searching for Lonely and married wife’s – well this article is pretty much the opposite of what you’re looking for – check out one of my ad links that’s probably gonna help you in your quest.
However for all the other visitors that are feeling lonely in their marriage I once again say – this is a communication problem and may not even be anything to do with your partner. It might just be that you are feeling lonely. On the other hand it might because of your partner of because of you. You see communication in marriage is key.
I spent a few years tackling a new business venture outside of work. I’d go home to my wife who had dinner already prepared. After dinner I’d go into my home study and work on the business up until about 11 o’clock at night – every night and weekends to. My wife was very understanding, times were hard and we had to make money somehow to pay the bills. Our wages just weren’t enough.
“In sickness and in health”
What I forgot an neglected was my relationship with my wife. “In sickness and in health” She was being left alone in the evenings whilst I slogged away at my computer. She’d come through to see me every other hour and I soon got agitated with this as I had work to do.
However it was have a very bad negative effect on our marriage and I soon had to take a few weeks off work (both jobs) due to stress. In those two weeks I soon realised that I’d been neglecting my wife and taking her for granted. I was also not getting enough social interaction and was feeling lonely in my marriage. What made this worse was the fact that she also was feeling lonely in marriage to.
The problem? Communication- a lack of it – and striking the right balance of work/social time. My best bit of advice if you are feeling lonely in marriage is to take time out. Go on a vacation and express yourself. Tell your partner how you feel and look at the situation for what it is and draw up a plan of action.
I’m feeling lonely
Yep currently as I type out this post I am feeling lonely. However I’m not feeling depressed about it – there is no point feeling depressed about feeling lonely. That just makes the whole situation a lot worse.
I currently am in a tech help position for a small company. They’ve been tasked with manning the help desk over the xmas and new year period however I’m the only person in the office! No joke! I’m being paid to feel lonely and it seems to be working.
All on my own - so i built this website 
However I am not depressed about the situation. The main reason for this is because a bit of advice my mum gave me many years ago when I split up from my girlfriend. I was heartbroken at the time and it felt like the world was coming to an end. Almost like a death of a loved one but also had to deal with the rejection and jealousy of the situation (she was cheating on me).
My mother had been through a divorce herself to my father. She was heartbroken also and had lived through the ordeal of a divorce with two young children and moving back to our homeland. All a very big upheaval. So the advice my mom gave me all these years ago I knew rang true as she had lived a far worse scenario than myself.
The advice: You might feel lonely or have a feeling of loneliness just now but look at it this way – these feelings are not going to last forever. And no matter how depressed and lonely you feel it’s not going to be with you for long.
This advice did help me however I found it hard at the time to accept the advice – it makes perfect sense though – nothing lasts forever. And where there is a problem or an issue – this can be looked on as an opportunity. Take this article for example. I’m feeling lonely and am at work with no-one to speak to. It’s the week between xmas and new year and there is hardly any work to do. I’ve taken advantage of the situation and over the course of an afternoon have managed to help many thousands of people by writing of my experiencing of feeling lonely and how to stop feeling so lonely.
Do you see what I’ve done? I’ve made the negative thing in my day to a complete positive and in doing so hope that this advice laid out in very plain English helps many thousands of people in the months and years to come.
I’m also feeling a bit jealous to. Why? Well as I wrote about feeling lonely and being single I thought to myself – those people that are single and lonely have the biggest opportunity to go out and meet other people and make friends – best of all with the opposite sex to!
Feeling lonely in a relationship
I’ve previously covered the topic of feeling lonely and being single. I’ve also covered the topic of feeling lonely and being married. Both of these situations I have had personal experience of.
However feeling lonely and being in a long term or short term relationship is something I’ve not experienced. However that does not mean I can’t pull together all the knowledge laid out on this website about feeling lonely and give some good advice for people searching for the answers to feeling lonely in a relationship.
You see being in a relationship and feeling lonely again like being married and feeling lonely all depends on the relationship itself.
Communication is key!
Ask yourself this question, did you enter into the relationship for the need to not feel lonely?
If so that may be the cause now of feeling lonely – your back into your old way of thinking and feeling. Loneliness is just that – a way of thinking. Like a bad habit it can be stopped with some small steps. Of course you may never have felt lonely and now that you are in a relationship you feel lonely. If this is the case then you might have to sit down with your partner and communicate (discuss) what might be leading you to feel lonely.
Look at your relationship and your social – work/life balance. Is it balanced? Look at your partner’s to it’s as much his/her as it is you. You may be neglecting them or vis versa. The best way to overcome his is to sit down and talk.
Common sense prevails in these types of situations so before you discuss have a long hard think of what might be leading you to this feeling of loneliness.
Once you’ve had a think take action and communicate.
Tell your partner that you’ve been thinking this over and let them know the way you feel. If like me your male this could be a bit of a struggle and you’d rather not discuss – however guess what – this is probably one of the reasons you feel lonely in your relationship. You fail to discuss and talk things over with your partner.
This situation will take time to improve depending on how long you’ve been together. It may also make you re-asses your relationship with your partner or friend. If so unfortunately I can’t give you advice on what to do.
Every relationship as different circumstances. If you work hard enough at something though you will make it and if you don’t make it then that is probably a good time to re-asses the relationship for what it is and what it’s worth in your life.
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